Why can’t weight loss be as easy as weight gain? We all know it’s harder to lose a few lbs compared to gaining a few lbs. But just lately I’ve hit a bad patch in my journey.

I’ve always been aware of my weight, but I’ve usually just shrugged it off and didn’t care. If you didn’t like how I looked, just don’t look. But recently I’ve started feeling different about my weight. Not because of how I may look, but because of how it’s making me feel.

I know if I eat less (or at least better) and exercise more the weight will drop off. But I’ve just lost all will power this last week and I don’t know how to get it back. A couple of weeks ago I was encouraged to get to a plan and lose some weight. Now, though, I could just not care.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not turned to stuff my face with junk. If you follow my Instagram or Facebook page you’ll have seen that this last week or so the wife and I have been trying new things. We ordered a couple of discounted Hello Fresh boxes (which we cancelled because there were issues with the Fresh part). We’re now on some discounted Gousto boxes (which so far are better freshness than Hello Fresh). So we’re eating well. But my desire for anything else has diminished.

For four days now I’ve planned on getting out on the bike. Planned on being the key phrase in that sentence. I can make excuses all day long, but the real bullet is I just can’t be arsed. That’s the bit that’s gutting because when I’m on the bike I love it. I just can’t be doing with the getting ready to go out.

I have the choice of first-thing (and I mean first-thing like 6 am) or later in the evening (after 7 pm). I’d like to get out every day, but the will and determination are just not there. Since “lock-down” I’ve struggled with a morning routine. I used to get up, have breakfast and go to work. Now I get up and I’m at my desk for 8 am (no actual going to work). My structure has disappeared completely. When the evening comes and the kids are in bed, all I want to do is flop on the sofa and watch TV. There is just no motivation for anything else.

I don’t think the almost 5 months working from home has helped. I relished the idea in March thinking it will only be for a couple of months. How naive was I?

I need structure again. I need to feel I can do this without having to force myself. I know I need to lose weight and I know I need to exercise. But I think right now, need and want are two completely separate things. I do want to do it, I just cannot be bothered and it’s getting me down. The more I’m down the more I can’t be bothered. It’s just spiralling and I feel there is nothing I can do right now.