I hate Halloween, not because kids are out asking “trick or treat”, not because people go mad for spooky decorations and costumes and not because it’s just a money making scheme that companies rope you into buying stuff you don’t really need.  I hate it because the kids always come back with loads of sweets (not good for me).

I have a sweet tooth, I love a bit of chocolate or some Haribo or something here and there.  My daughter being 4 years old went trick or treating with mummy and nanny this year.  She loved it, she dressed as a witch with the face paint on and everything – she thought it was ace and I likely would at her age too.  OK, me and the wife probably hyped her up a bit this year leading up to Halloween, but my daughter getting as excited as she did was well worth it.  I think this year is the first year she has fully understood the whole trick or treat thing and was looking forward to it.

Since Wednesday last week I have been fighting with myself every day – quite often loosing too.  My daughter had a rather large bag (almost the size of a 5p carrier bag) full of sweets and chocolate.  I mean some houses on our estate went to town this year and gave little goody bags themselves instead of take 1 sweet from a bowl.  It has been hell for me – and will probably be worse when my daughter eventually realises I’ve eaten half of her goodies (if she notices at all).

The thing for me is I didn’t just have a couple of little bits Wednesday night, it was then all day Thursday and Friday, all weekend and then Monday evening.  That bag is in the house and I know it, even if I put it away in the cupboard I am drawn back to it again.  It is horrible knowing that half the time I’m saying to myself “you don’t need it, just grab a glass of water or squash instead”.  The other half of the time I’m thinking “what the hell, they’ll be gone sooner if I eat them”.  It’s safe to say I’ve not been on plan this week ready for Wednesday weigh night.

I’m prepared to deal with the damage from this weeks weigh in tomorrow evening, but what I can’t handle is the guilt… the regret… the “why did I do it” that comes following the damage.  That’s what kills me and has previously sent me into a string of weeks where I’ve lost control.

I’ve not gained full control this week at all, most meals have been on plan but the snacking certainly hasn’t.  All I can do is forget about this last week and push on into next week with the ambition of getting that 2 stone award (likely I won’t get it this week).