Thank You Anxiety

I’ve never really known what anxiety really was until recent times.  It can be a real bitch too.  When talking about anxiety in general, you will hear things like feeling on edge about something, feeling of restlessness in situations you don’t like and feeling irritable.

Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be… all of the above.

Let me quickly set the scene.  Tonight was Christmas Fair night at my daughters’ school.  The first Christmas fair of what would be many as she spends the first 6 years or so of her schooling life there.  School is a busy enough place when all the kids are there learning.  Now factor in all those kids being there with their parents and grandparents.  Imagine just how many people are now crammed into the school.

I believe this is the first time I’ve really felt uncomfortable with such a large number of people in such a confined space.  All 4 of us were there tonight; Me, the wife, our daughter, and our 10-month-old son in his pushchair.  A pushchair in the environment we were in was not the best call – both I and the wife will say that, but he’s too heavy to carry around without getting back issues.

Most of the time there the wife followed our daughter around doing the different games, buying the different cakes and arts ‘n’ crafts.  I tried to avoid the masses of people trying to get from A to B in the tiniest of spaces.  I generally hung to one side with the pushchair.

It was in the main hall (the most open part of the school) that I very nearly just took the pushchair and left.  I could feel myself fighting any emotions that were trying to come out, really not wanting to break down or anything in front of all these people that I don’t know.  I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me there and then.

A couple of minutes later (or what felt like much longer) the wife returned with our daughter and we eventually left.  I held it together while we walked back to the car, while I drove a quick errand to pick something up and until we got home.  As soon as we got home I needed something to do, so I went straight to tidying up.

The wife at this point knew something was off.  Then something happened which has never happened while I’ve felt like this, I told her what was wrong… kind of.  We just had a moment together and I explained that I just don’t think I can deal with large crowds – especially in confined spaces.

Granted having the pushchair did not help because you can’t really maneuver is anywhere and it really doesn’t help when people look gone out when you ask “excuse me please”.  It’s sometimes like you’re an inconvenience to them stood in the way not doing anything, rather than it actually be them who are the inconvenience.

What I need now is something to keep my mind busy.  Thus me straight into the tidying at home and now writing about my ordeal to all you wonderful readers.  I’m now a lot calmer than I was earlier, so thank you for your time and for letting me ‘get this off my chest’ if you’ve got this far.

Recipe: Mega BLT

I love a good sandwich and you can’t get a sandwich must better than a BLT (Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato).  A BLT sandwich is typically better in the summer when Tomatoes are at their best, but there is something about the saltiness of the Bacon mixed with the crisp, cool texture of the Lettuce and Tomato.

The BLT with a side of Lettuce and Tomato
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The Little Tinker

I’ve had my Boardman Bike a little over 6 weeks now (that reminds me I need to book a 6 week check up with Halfords).  Over the last six weeks, I’ve ridden 71.7 miles (according to Strava) on it.  Some people will smash that in a single ride, but I’m still getting used to the bike.

This morning I’ve had some time while the wife has popped out for a coffee date with a friend.  This has meant the Allen Keys have come out and adjustments have been made on the bike in a bid to make it more comfortable.  Issues I’ve been experiencing lately are;

  • aching knees when on the bike and for a bit after riding
  • uncomfortable feeling in the wrists
  • soreness in the soft tissue areas on the saddle

I’ve been doing research around basic bike fits from different cycling sites to YouTube videos.  There are a lot of useful videos on YouTube for setting you your bike for you and they’ve all been helpful.

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FTP Test To End The Trial

Since purchasing the Tacx Flow Smart Trainer, I’ve used Zwift for a few rides through a trial period (technically two trial periods).  Using Zwift on the PC, I was given an unlimited milage trial for 7 days.  After the initial 7 days, I was then given 25km to use before the 1st December.

Within the first 7 days, I completed 3 free rides totaling 21.41 miles.  This is just warm up mileage for a lot of people, but for me, it’s somewhat of an introduction to indoor training, which is very different from the world of riding outside.

Hey look, Dolphins!
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The Currency of BMI

Body Mass Index (or BMI) is something used to calculate if a person is of a healthy weight.  I hate it, it’s not an accurate measure of fat percentage and does not take into account one’s build.  But the GP uses it to steer to fobbing me off with “if you lose weight it will be better” or “it’s likely because of your weight”.

BMI Ranges for the UK

Here in the UK, they say to be of healthy weight an adult’s BMI score should be between 18.5 – 24.9.  Using the graph below, you’ll be able to see what sort of weight you need to be for a given height to be in that range.  Obviously the taller you are, the heavier you can be but still have the same BMI score.  The ranges used by the NHS are as follows;

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Losing My Marbles And My Keys

Everyone loses their marbles every now and then.  Sometimes you walk into a room a forget why.  Sometimes you ask someone a question you asked them a couple of minutes prior.  Sometimes you will lose your keys when in town but then really lose everything.

A long story short, I’ve had to start wearing glasses for Computer Work, Reading, TV Time and Driving – basically, anything that requires me to focus on something.  I haven’t adapted well, I hate wearing them – but I’d rather wear them than get the headaches that follow when I don’t.

Continue reading Losing My Marbles And My Keys